laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
