You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
