I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
