My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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