swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
