How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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