How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
