You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
