Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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