He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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