Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
