She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
