It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
