i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
