Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
