i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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