He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
