I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
