Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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