i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
