I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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