oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
