I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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