so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
only you would photoshop your dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
