nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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