Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
