the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
