I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
