I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
