Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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