just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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