It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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