We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
