According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
