my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
