sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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