He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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