The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
