my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
