You're completely useless in the revolution.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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