I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
