She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
