I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
