Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
