I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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