well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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