i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
