About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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