WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I fill condoms, not promises.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
