Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Randomize
