We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
