and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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