Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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